Why do we Resist Self Compassion?

Self compassion is an important part of mental health and well-being, yet many of us including myself have or still struggle to be kind and understanding towards ourselves. In this blog post, we'll explore some of the reasons why we might resist self compassion, and what we can do to overcome these barriers.

One reason why we might resist self compassion is because we have been taught to be self-critical. We might have grown up in a home or school environment where we were constantly told to do better, to improve, to be perfect, and to never make mistakes. In fact our culture here in the U.K. at least, is pretty self critical, so even if we had a more encouraging home environment, many of us still received a self critical influence from our wider culture.

As a result, we may have internalized this message and now view ourselves harshly whenever we fall short. This kind of self-criticism can be deeply ingrained, and it can be difficult to break free from it.

Another reason why we might resist self compassion is because we feel that it is selfish or indulgent. We might worry that if we are too kind to ourselves, we will become lazy or complacent. We might believe that we always need to be pushing ourselves to be better, and that any kind of self-care or self-compassion is a waste of time.

Many people may just be unfamiliar with the concept of self compassion, and may not realize that it is an important part of mental health and well-being. They may have never learned how to be kind to themselves, or may not understand the benefits of self compassion.

So, what can we do about these barriers to self compassion?

An important step is to become more aware of our thoughts and emotions, and to notice when we are being self-critical or unkind to ourselves. We can then practice self compassion by speaking to ourselves with kindness and understanding, rather than judgment and criticism. We can learn to treat ourselves with the kindness with which we treat our friends.

It's important to remember that while self compassion helps us to be more self forgiving of our mistakes, it still allows for self correction and is not about letting ourselves off the hook or excusing our mistakes. It's about recognizing that we are human, and that it is natural to make mistakes and have challenges. By practicing self compassion, we can learn to be more resilient and better able to cope with the ups and downs of life.

While self compassion may not come naturally to many of us, it is an important skill that can greatly improve our mental health and well-being. By becoming more aware of our self-critical thoughts and practicing self compassion, we can learn to be kinder and more understanding towards ourselves, and to build a more positive and healthy relationship with ourselves and others.