A Kind Approach to Being Triggered
We all know that moment—something happens, and suddenly, we’re hit with a strong reaction. A wave of emotion rises before we even have time to think. It’s uncomfortable, sometimes overwhelming.
It’s easy to assume we shouldn’t feel this way, that we need to fix or explain it. Or we think we should stop the person or change the event that is triggering us.
But I’ve found that the real shift happens when we stop resisting and instead, allow the feeling to move through. This takes a little courage to start with, to sit with the discomfort.
1. Pause and Notice What’s Happening
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned is to simply notice when I’m triggered instead of being pulled into it. Instead of thinking, This is unfair or I need to do something about this, I try to pause and acknowledge, Oh, this is a strong reaction, I don’t have to act on it immediately. We can even add a little curiousity to our self reflection - Oh look at you getting all heated isn’t that interesting . That small moment of awareness creates just enough space to keep from being fully hijacked by emotion.
2. Breathe and Loosen the Grip
When a trigger hits, the body reacts first—tightness in the chest, clenched jaw, stomach in knots. I used to push past this without noticing, but now, I try to check in:
Where is my body tightening?
Can I soften it just a little?
Can I take one slow breath?
We can gently place a hand over your chest and give ourselves a little compassion for the suffering you’re experiencing
We don’t have to make the feeling disappear. Just observing it can loosen the tension and stops it from gripping so tightly.
3. Let the Feeling Exist Without Rushing to Fix It
This was a hard one for me. When something stirred me up, I felt like I had to resolve it—talk it through, justify it, or even replay it in my mind until I made sense of it. But emotions don’t need us to solve them. They need space to rise and fall naturally.
Now, when something hits, I remind myself: I don’t have to figure this out right now. If I can just sit with the feeling—without pushing it away or feeding it with more thoughts—it often passes faster than I expect. Noticing where the contraction is in the body, and let the feeling know that you notice it and that you allow the emotion to be there. That removes a layer of resistance.
4. Wait Before Reacting
I can’t count the number of times I’ve wanted to send a message, explain myself, or fix a situation right away, only to feel totally different a few hours later. Strong emotions always make things feel urgent, but they are terrible decision-makers. When the amygdala is in charge our thoughts are not such a reliable reference point.
So now, I try to give it time. Even ten minutes of breathing space can make a difference. I can get up and move around, water the plants, put a washing on, go for a walk. If it still matters after that, I can respond with more clarity.
5. Be Kind to Yourself
Some days, we handle triggers with patience. Other days particularly if tired or stressed we don’t manage so well. But the last thing we need is to critics ourselves. What helps is remembering that this is a practice, not a test. Every time we slow down and meet a trigger with a little more awareness, its a win and will make it easier for next time. The charge starts to lose its grip, and what once felt unbearable becomes something we can gradually hold with ease with practice.
Next time a trigger hits, try this:
Notice what’s happening.
Take a breath and loosen the tension.
Get up and do something practical to break the charge.
Let the feeling exist without needing to solve it.
Tell the feeling you notice it and it’s okay for it to be there, like a kind parent talking to an upset child.
Give it space before reacting.
It won’t be perfect every time. But the more we practice, the more we trust ourselves to handle whatever comes, and that’s where real freedom begins.