Dealing with Anxiety
Leaning in towards the fear and stating what is noticed.
It seems a bit counterintuitive at first as our normal response is to contract away from discomfort. That’s understandable. Try this approach as a little behaviour experiment a few times and observe the results.
“Hello there fear I notice you”.
“I notice that I feel anxiety”
“I feel some fear”
You can say it out loud even sometimes if the environment is appropriate.
The effect of directly acknowledging what we are feeling is remarkable. A near instant relaxing of the tension of trying not to feel it for starters. That resistance itself adds extra pain.
Notice where in the body the sensation of the emotion is being experienced.
Is it a slight or strong tight feeling in the chest, or perhaps the throat or some other sensation elsewhere. Just let it be once you notice it for a while. Give it permission to be there. I sometimes imagine a wide rim of space around the feeling as if to give it room to move.
In time, being honest becomes normalised, and fear in particular seems to become deflated by being acknowledged fully. It removes a large amount of its power to disturb us when the resistance is let go of. It becomes just something that’s ordinary, like “I’ve got a sore foot”. It’s still there but not such a big deal.
Maximum pain is trying to squirm away from acknowledging that which is already being experienced. To try and deny, squash, suppress, replace it or wish the fear or other uncomfortable/painful feeling away does not work, it increases the discomfort .
That is so habitual in our culture that it seems natural to deny what we don’t want to be feeling. We can be afraid that the feeling will,overwhelm us if we are honest about feeling it. Some try and ameliorate the feelings with unhealthy coping strategies that are not sustainable.
It’s just fear. It’s normal. It’s human. And it’s not our fault.
We have that inbuilt threat detection system in the old part of our brain, the amygdala, and it sees danger everywhere. That’s it’s job. It evolved to look out for bears behind bushes to keep us safe.
I’m writing this in 2022, and it has been a pretty scary couple of years and we have been pounded by messages to be afraid. It’s a tremendous opportunity being presented to us to find and use new healthy ways of relating to ourselves and to learn new ways of regulating our emotions.
To just turn towards it and say what it as it is, and it becomes less scary and when it is seen as what it is. Like pulling the curtain back on the wizard in the Emerald City. A passing and temporary uncomfortable sensation.
I’m using the word fear here to cover various flavours and the nuances of fear, like, pensiveness, anxiety, disquiet and worry. If we are not feeling light and happy and free, which is our base natural state, We are experiencing some level of fear.
And while acknowledging that we are experiencing fear we can at the same time send a little love and compassion our way and towards anyone who is suffering. We can send compassion and kindness towards ourselves in the same way we would towards a beloved pet or a dear friend who is suffering. Bit of a magic ingredient this.
It is particularly effective if this is accompanied by a physical action. With a hand lightly on the chest area or heart for example, and say softly inside or out loud :
“May we be safe
May we be well
May we be at ease
May we be happy”
Then…
“May I be safe
May I be well
May I be at ease
May I be happy”